From: To: Subject: [XFNC17ff] You're all I have left in this world Date: Wednesday, March 14, 2001 3:43 PM Title: You're all I have left in this world Author: Clair Rating: NC17 for sexual content Disclaimer: The characters in this are not mine they belong to Fox, 1013 and Chris Carter no copyright infringement is intended Category: MSR Spoilers: Sein und Zeit and Closure Archiving: Just ask me first Feedback: Yes please any type of feedback is welcome and cherished please send it to clair@rutherford3.freeserve.co.uk Summary: Mulder's mom Teena has just died and this looks at how Scully and Mulder cope with the tragic event as details of her death unfold. The majority of this is written from Scully's point of view in the form of her trusty journal. __________________________________________________________________ Scully is sat at the desk in Mulder's living room, sucking a pen in her mouth with her journal lying open on the desktop. She's dressed in one of Mulder's work shirts and her hair is tied up loosely with small tendrils escaping from the bobble, falling onto her soft creamy skin. Scully gets up from the chair and makes her way to the bedroom door, he is sleeping soundly now, the duvet twisted round his large muscular frame, Scully approaches his sleeping body and runs her fingers though his hair placing a small soft kiss on his forehead he doesn't stir, she stands and watches him sleep for a few minutes. (In Scully's head) Thank God he is asleep, he is exhausted and even though I've tried I can't take away his pain. Leaving the room she goes back to the desk and begins to write: 'This has had to be one of the worst thing I have ever had to do in my whole life, let alone my career, I've stood and watched Mulder, my partner, my friend, my soul mate, destroy himself from the inside out. I knew this case was going to be really difficult for him as it had so many parallels to the disappearance of Samantha it was uncanny, but not only that any child case is difficult for us all, the harming of an innocent has to be the most senseless crime we deal with, it makes chasing the truth even harder. It all started with the disappearance of Amber Lynn La Pierre in Sacramento, CA. It was more than apparent that this case was opening and pouring salt into the wounds that will never heal for Mulder, I was shocked to find out that Mulder had requested to be a part of the investigation as it was not a regular X File, but we got in deeper and deeper so much so that the La Pierre's would only deal with Mulder. If the case wasn't hurting him, which it most definitely was, he was tearing himself up inside reliving the memories of his sister's abduction, he wasn't sleeping or eating and was even trying to distance himself from me. The bureau had been trying to contact Mulder for hours but he was in deep with the case, so I was the next best thing, I love being part of his life, but this was so hard. I was called to Kersch's office where a detective was waiting for me. I knew as I walked in the door it was bad news, thoughts of how I would live without me mother danced through my head, it had to be news about my mom, Charlie or Bill, it wasn't. As the detective opened his mouth my heart was pounding so fast I thought it was going to jump right out of my throat. I only caught the last few words that escaped form his mouth 'Teena Mulder was found dead at her home in Greenwich Connecticut, this morning, at this stage it is looking like suicide.' The relief that washed over me was immense my family was safe, but then the realisation sunk in Mulder had now lost the only member of his family that was left he was all alone, I was the only thing that resembled family he had now. Kersch asked me if I would break the news to Mulder and of course I would, in fact I needed to. The journey to Skinner's office seemed to take forever, Kimberley wasn't at her desk so I barged straight in, Mulder's face was a picture, he was so shocked at my actions it is the thought of thing that he would do not me. I told him there in the office the words sticking in the back of my throat, I tried to be sensitive but all I could say was 'Mulder your mom's dead' He just stood there looking at me, looking right through me, Skinner simply said: 'I think Agents you should take some time off from this case.' Mulder wasn't having any of this I knew how he felt, I needed to stay working after my father had died, even though Boggs brought memories of him flooding back to me, at every moment of the day. Instead he picked up his coat and I ran out of the office after him, in the hall he exploded 'Scully, my mom is dead, someone has done this to her, she knew something about this case.' I remember thinking that it was just the grief talking but then he kept saying over and over again that his mom had been trying to tell him something, it was tearing him up inside and there was nothing I could do to soothe his pain. The trip to Mrs. Mulder's residence in Greenwich Connecticut, was dreadful he just sat and stared out of the window, no communication was needed I could sense his hurt and pain and it was cutting into my heart like a knife through butter. When we arrived and spoke to the local PD he lay on his mother's bed, I can still vividly picture the floral bedspread it is not something that is going to be erased from my mindset anytime soon, it's burnt into my memory. Mulder's eyes were wide, deep and they had lost the sparkle it was as if they were dying, I just wanted to cradle him in my arms and tell him that everything would be fine, but I froze and the PD were only in the other room, He wouldn't couldn't believe that his mom had taken her own life, and he asked me to perform an autopsy. He was clinging onto me to find the truth, at my better judgement I agreed, if I hadn't done it he would have had another pathologist do it and they wouldn't consider his feelings as it would be just another body to them. I have never taken so long and so much care when doing an autopsy, but this was Mulder's mom, the woman that had given him life, and the woman that had given her son to me, his last piece of family. The night of his mother's death had to be the longest ever, and only now is he sleeping. Again I was lost for words, walking into his apartment a place I had begun to feel so safe and secure in, to share with him my autopsy findings. His face was one of anxiety, pain and in some ways excitement, the sort of excitement he derived from digging his fingernails into a really juicy, difficult case. He rushed me into the apartment and I could hear his mother's voice echoing from the answer phone bouncing around the room, he was torturing himself. 'Scully Listen to this she was trying to tell me something' He rewound the message and it began to roll 'Fox it's your mother, there are so many emotions in me, I don't know where to start, there is so much I have left unsaid, for reasons I hope you'll understand.' The tears laced with frustration were welling up in the corners of his hazy green eyes, his psycho analytical mind had gone into overdrive analysing her every word and even the tone of her voice, how many times had he listened to that message before I had arrived, he must know every last syllable. I simply blurted out my case findings it was the only way I knew how, it was going to hurt him which ever way that I did it so the quickest option was probably the best, my words were loud and to the point 'Mulder your mom did kill herself she had an incurable disfiguring disease called Padgett's Car Sonoma, she was dying Mulder and she wanted to take her pain away.' His reaction to my words came as a shock as he is usually so in control of his emotions. Mulder began thrashing about throwing things banging his fist and shaking his desk and then he broke crying into my stomach I just held him like that while he cried, my hands rubbing through his hair and moving in circular movements on his back, just like he had done for me on the night that Melissa had died. No words of communication but a thousand conversations flew between our touches, we are more in tune now than we have ever been, he is every possible way my other half, we know how each other is feeling and when words are needed and when they are not and at this time the silence was our friend. It was getting late but there was no way I was going to leave him, I needed him as much as he needed me, we had been on an emotional roller coaster that had somehow forgot to stop, I wanted off now but it wasn't going to happen. After his crying had subsided my shirt was soaked through and it was getting a little uncomfortable, as his tears were beginning to dry onto my skin. Mulder surprised my by getting up releasing himself from my embrace and walking towards the bedroom, I just stood in silence watching, he soon returned grasping a clean white work shirt. 'Here Scully put this on' Even in this time of turmoil he was thinking about me, I didn't object and discarded my damp shirt replacing it with his, it smelt like Mulder, even though it was clean, his whole apartment had a certain smell to it and I like it, it's comforting something that in this world of change remains constant, he once said to me that I was his constant and it is true that he is mine, this is just another example of this. From this moment tinged with grief we were to be connected both emotionally and physically, the touch of a hand, the fixing of glances, the faint smell of his aftershave. As we sat on his old worn black leather couch, his hand came up to my face, nothing unusual with this as Mulder quite often removes my hair from my eyes and tucks it behind my ears, or wipes food of my face when I have dribbled, but this time it was tender and I could feel the sadness in his fingertips, they trailed down my cheeks tracing the path of a silent tear, his pain was my pain. I hadn't even realised that I was crying with him, until that moment. Mulder sat with his feet on the coffee table and looked at me, his eyes beckoning for my touch, I responded by moving closer so that our shoulder's were rubbing, his arms came round me in a tight embrace, holding on as if there was no tomorrow only us here in his apartment right now. 'Scully just promise me that'll you'll always be here, my friend, your all I have left now.' The look on his face said it all he was worried, frightened of being alone, even though he did not see his mother very often they had an unbreakable bond that only a parent would recognise. 'Promise Mulder' I didn't even have to think about accepting his promise, I can see no future without him, and I'd leave the FBI if I have to so I can stay with Mulder, since our current relationship is jeopardising our partnership. Mulder pulled me close and twisted his large muscular torso onto the full length of the couch so I was lying alongside him, my head resting on his chest, his grasp around my frame was so tight I was finding it difficult to breathe, but it was what we both needed, a connection tying us both together. The rhythmic motion of his shallow breathing lulled us both into a relaxed state; eyes closed not sleeping just dozing, we lay like this for over an hour until he eventually released his arms. 'Scully come to bed with me please I need to have you close to me tonight' 'Sure' Mulder stripping down to just his boxers rolled the duvet back and waited for me to get in, removing my trousers I got into his bed still wearing his shirt. I shivered as the cold air lashed around my bare legs, Mulder responded by pulling the duvet up to my chin and spooning around my back, we fit so well together, his large frame covering all of mine. Even though we were entangled with grief we needed each other in more ways than one. Mulder spoke in my ear asking me to turn around and face him, his voice sent goose pimples down my spine and across my whole body, his slightest touch drives me insane. It was obvious that we weren't going to sleep tonight are minds were filled with emotions that would nit subside to let us sleep. I turned to face him, his hands instantly cupping my cheeks, brushing tendrils of hair away form my eyes, his eyes were deep with hunger and pain. Mulder's hands made their way up the back of my shirt and he began running them up and down my back, his touch as light as a feather. We made love that night slowly, passionately, savouring every moment, every touch, never had we experienced it like this before, usually we are so vocal and intense. This time we just needed each other and the longer we were connected, our hearts and souls were mingled together and we were silently comforting each other taking away some of the pain. We lay awake until the early hours of the morning when at last we granted some sleep, if only for a few short hours. I slept better than Mulder because when I woke up he was sat on the bed knees pulled up to his chest hugging himself and watching me sleep. Scully puts her pen down and places her journal back in her purse. (in Scully's head) I'm glad I got all of that off my chest I needed to share it with someone we have to build on our relationship from now and pray that this tragic event brings us even closer together, even though my mom doesn't think we could ever get any closer we are. "Scully.." There was a sense of panic and bewilderment in his voice Scully quickly goes into the bedroom to see Mulder sat on his bed wide awake and searching for her, his eyes scanning every corner of the room. "Mulder what's the matter?" "Uhmmmm nothing Scully, just wondering where you were" "Do you want some breakfast?" "No not yet, just come here please" (in Mulder's head) I love seeing her in my apartment dressed like that bare legs and one of my shirts that stops just above her knees the split stopping at the top of her thighs. I know that'll I'll get though my mother's death and this case with her by my side, she makes my life worth living. It was Scully that helped me though the death of my father and nothing changes she will always be there for me, I love her so much, more than I ever thought was possible. "Mulder I have to go into work soon, maybe I should take a shower and get dressed, Skinner isn't expecting you in today." "Scully please" (in Scully's head) How can I resist that, his eyes are burning into my soul, oh god Mulder Mulder had removed himself from the bed and was now pressing his morning erection into the small of Scully's back with his hands moving up and under her shirt to caress her breasts. Scully's head instinctively moving back into his chest, her neck exposed, Mulder quickly places his mouth over the soft cream skin of her neck, this drives her wild. "muuuullllllldddddeeeeerrrrrr" "Uh huh" "Come on I have to work" Mulder did not relent, his need for Scully was even greater now, she was his only family, she could never make up for the loss of his mother but she could help to take his mind off it and ease some of his pain. Mulder began to walk holding tightly onto Scully so she had no option but to move with him, and the next thing she knew she was face down on the bed with Mulder lying alongside her. "Mulder...I really have to....Oh My God!!!! Mulder" Mulder's hands had skilfully made their way under the edge of her panties and his fingers were expertly opening her slick wet folds, searching for her clitoris. Scully still face down on the bed tried to roll over onto her back. "Mulder let me turn over" Mulder helped Scully to turn over not once removing his fingers from their warm resting place, he began to circle his thumb and forefinger over her clit, sending waves of passion running throughout her whole body. She gasps in pleasure wanting needing him to fill her. Mulder's fingers began their journey north to the buttons on her shirt opening them to expose her flesh, his tongue suckling through the silk of her white bra, her nipples erect at his every touch. While his tongue kept circling her nipple his hands worked at undoing the clasp on her bra to release her breasts from their restraints. His fingers then returning to her inner thigh teasing her playfully, brushing past her opening but not touching it for any length of time. (in Scully's head) God Mulder you're driving me wild, I know good things come to those who wait but I can't wait. I need him now. "Mulder" Mulder's tongue has begun its journey south and she can feel the heat of his breath on her nest of tight auburn curls. Suddenly his tongue flicked against her clit and he began sucking and licking in a rhythmic motion, Scully writing underneath him thrusting towards his mouth with his every touch. (In Scully's head) Mulder's oral fixation has it's good points, wow he is so good at this, Oh My god Mulder, Jesus, gggggggoooooodddddddddd Removing his tongue Mulder crawls up Scully's body, she sighs in disbelief he had stopped just before she had reached climax, her clitoris throbbing uncontrollably, her own juices trickling down her inner thigh, she was so wet and needed him now. His mouth soon latching onto hers their teeth clashing, the kiss was deep and passionate, Scully began suckling on Mulder's plump juicy lower lip, she could taste herself on him and this made her want him even more. Mulder broke the kiss, with a mischievous look on his face. "Scully do you still want to go and get dressed for work?" "Mulder...Mulder I need you now" "Scully but you have to go to work" "Mulder" Mulder responded by reconnecting his lips with hers, teasing her with his tongue running it across the roof of her mouth and around her teeth. Scully's response to this was to take a firm grasp at the bottom of his shaft with the other one cupping his balls, Mulder gasps at the pressure, his lips pressing harder against Scully's and his hands now fumbling uncontrollably with her clit. "Scully" "Mulder now please" "uhhhhh godddddd scccchhhhuuuullllleeeee" Scully guided his huge erection to her opening and he slowly entered her, gasping at her tightness, it didn't matter how many times they did this, Mulder was always impressed by the way Scully's muscles held onto his length. Slowly every inch of him was inside her he then withdrew very slowly and pummelled straight back in. Scully writhing in ecstasy underneath him. "Goddddd Mulder" Mulder's thrusts were becoming faster and faster and he was driving deeper and deeper into her, pushing hard against the neck of her cervix. By adjusting his position slightly he hit her G spot and Scully screamed. "ohhhhh yessssss ohhhhhh muuuuullllll yyyyyeeessssss" Scully began to climax taking Mulder with her for the ride, she was still shaking underneath him when his climax took hold, filling every crevice with his hot, creamy juices, swimming through her insides till they reached their final destination. They both writhed in pleasure, looking at each other straight into their souls. Scully then spoke not wanting to spoil the moment but she had to: "Mulder I really have to get dressed" "I know Scully, maybe I'll come in with you today I have to work, you know what it is like" "Mulder you are NOT working today you've had no sleep, whatsoever, so you're staying home and that is final, plus." Scully stopped because she new her words were going to open the floodgates again "What Scully?" "I was going to suggest that you ring the funeral directors but I can do it later." "Scully I'll do it" "Okay, but if you need my help." "I know" Scully retreated into the bathroom and Mulder didn't respond to the urge to go and join her as he knew deep down that she had to go to work. She emerged out of the bathroom wearing a light blue fitted shirt and black trousers, just in time to answer the door. Mulder remained in the bedroom he had now threw on a pair of sweats and his trademark grey t-shirt. "Agent Scully how is he?" Skinner stood at the door "Sir it's been a hard night for him" "The La Pierre's want have some information but they will only talk to Mulder" "Sir" Mulder appears at the door looking over Scully's shoulder "Sir what is it?" Skinner briefly runs through what he has just told Scully and tells Mulder that he has booked them two flights. Mulder's hand resting on the small of Scully's back walks away. Scully looking at Skinner replies: "then you better make that three Sir" Skinner left, there was no way that Mulder was going back out to Sacramento, without her, they needed each other right now, if he was working then so was she. As long as they could they would be searching for the truth together, she was all he had left in this world. END